New Roommate

woke up around the breaka-breaka dawn to glass smashing somewhere in my apt. of course t.h. wasn't over, you're always desperately alone when weird shit goes bump in the night. so i put on my big-girl-brave face and started fumbling for glasses, lights, sharp objects to double as weapons... penny couldn't stand it anymore and went screaming into the darkness of the night. i brazenly followed and before i could hit the switch something buzzed by my face (still gives me the heebie jeebiez). it was a bat, a fat fuzzy, disease ridden flying mouse, and he had the measly tiny balls to go around busting my shit! well i bunkered down in my bedroom with my ferocious guard dog, as seen below:

didn't sleep much, kept having visions of norman (the bat) creeping under my door. woke up this morning and decided to face the music. this where i found him:

sound asleep on my living room curtain. didn't move at all while i was getting ready. wonder where he'll be tonight when i get home.
ps- t.h. this is a job for you- you will be greatly rewarded however-

resolutions are for suckas

i guess it's that time again to reflect on past mistakes and make your propositions for the upcoming year. most of last year sucked, to put it delicately. i've done enough reflection on that shit, that's who i am, introspective as hell. looking ahead isn't always the best either. i tend to throw myself in face first, get discouraged when it's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am and buck out like a pussy before the damage gets too deep. so where does that leave me?
i guess i've let all of my goals go to shit and i'm pretty much back to square uno, in almost every aspect of my life. the most pressing of all of those blank spaces is work. it's staring me right in the eyeball, taunting me. something's gotta change, pronto tonto. the struggle won't be worse than the shit i dug through last year, so that's a bit of a relief, i guess the doubt is what's making me puss out. i'm making too big of a deal of all of it. i'm being too ideological. i guess that's who i am though: the introspective idealist.
so what do i do? do i go back to slinging shit to people i could give a fuck about and dealing with other people's bullshit on a regular basis while pursuing something that could land me on my ass, or do i put up with that same crap in my current situation? biggest problem, i think too highly of myself. i always think i'm better than that. guess it's not always a bad thing, but when it doesn't kick you in the ass, it makes you lethargic.
so raise your sloppy highball with me, here's to bigger and better things- as long as they don't land me up in jail or under the dirt- it's all a ball of twine-

BEST XMAS EVER!

baked too many cookies (wait, strike that, ATE too many cookies), drank too much cider with e.c. and the t-bros xmas eve, hung out with the howards and had an amazing xmas meal, complete with champagne, came home and t.h. gave me the best damn present ever!

SERIOUSLY, best, hottest, most thoughtful and amazing boyfriend ever! EVER! (the goofy face is his patience wearing thin on his shutterbug girlfriend, and he might be drunk)-

start saving up now

all i've EVER wanted for xmas!!!

it's only $650 at the Criterion Collection website

(regular listing is $850, what a steal!)
I'm just putting this out there, but I will totally get your face tattooed on my butt as a "thank you" if you get this for me in a legal manner (no busting open ATMs or wielding guns around money houses).

reason #1 to heart xmas

benny hill + jesus = xmas love

"i don't know karate, but i do know ca-razy"

oh drag queens, how do i love thee? especially when you have a ghetto-tastic alter ego with her front teeth blacked out-
i may not be a big fat fan of xmas, but seeing hood-rat RuPaul drop kick a mini xmas tree, well, it brings a tingly feeling to my tiny black heart-
go mo's!

Thanks Steven-

corey hart is a deal-breaker

deal breaker #1, wearing sunglasses indoors. you'd better be hiding a freak-show of a shiner under those blinders or i'm gonna get all judgmental on your backside. seriously! this is minnesota, emphasis on the "ohhhh" as in "oh my gawd i'm so high-fashion for the midwest, i wear sunglasses inside buildings on overcast days, pleeeze mistake me for a two-bit celebrity!" petunia, get over yourself.
yeah yeah, corey hart wore them at night so he could, so he cou-uld...i forget the rest of it, but same deal (breaker), night is dark, sunglasses make surroundings darker. don't be a douche even if you are an art star-

he does look pretty cute (vacant, but cute) in the beginning though...ohhh 80's crushes!

perfect night to start a blog

drunk off of some cocktail i concoted with the remnants of a bottle of svedka, some ginger beer and a shimmy of good ol' rose's lime juice and a little slade to set the mood, or keep it going. might as well start a blog-
it will get better, i promise. weekday nights aren't usually so intoxicating.