wasting

why am i always sitting around waiting?
this blog better perk up this weekend or i'm just gonna quit.

sour winter blues

when the risk gets increasingly greater than the reward
when you realize you're sinking into the depths you created
when the anxiety is no longer impending but overwhelming
when the veil of naivety is suddenly lifted
when the excitement of the future is no longer inclusive
when you should have known better all along
when it hits you that your worth is less than you thought
when you realize "nothing" applies to you too
when you wonder often, how it will end
when you prepare yourself for the shock and the blow
when your detachment begins in self defense
did you sabotage it from the start?

--anon--

Maybe it's that time of the month...

"The word love has by no means the same sense for both sexes, and this is one cause of the serious misunderstandings that divide them." Simone de Beauvoir

And the high for the weekend is a big fat goose egg!

so what do you do when you live in the fucking arctic and the high for the entire weekend is zero? well, if you're me, you become a domestic goddess.
between cooking,

sewing, knitting, drinking too much wine (alone), watching a wrestling documentary and too much figure skating, and re-evaluating my life in general, I think I left the house twice (liquor store run, crafty planet run).
t.h. is still going strong on the detox while I putzed out early in the running (day two to be exact), i'm being a supportive girlfriend and cooking my junk off for him. made a fabulous cabbage stew from 101cookbooks blog(sounds like old people nosh, and my house smelled like a retirement home, but damn gina, that shit tasted mah-velous!).

whipped up a penne/italian sausage/radicchio/pecorino bake last night that was a hit (as you can tell from the emptiness of the pan--)

frogged a sweater i enthusiastically finished a few weeks ago (made me look like a fridge box):

and started working on the winter coat from a Built-By-Wendy pattern that i bought back in october.

ps I'm a terrible sew-er. this whole project is terrifying! and I'm not the type that makes stuff exactly like the shit tells you to, so i doubled up the lining and quilted it, chanel-style,

(it's actually black, not euro-trash-silver) but now i'm not sure if it's actually going to work with the wool i bought...could be a very expensive fuck-up-
to distract myself, i started knitting from one of the bah-zillion knitting books i got for xmas only to realize that the chick had good intentions and brilliant ideas, but fuck, bitch can't write a pattern to save her life! seriously this is as far as i've gotten:

on this sweater (pardon the flash, someone needs to get me some god-damned photoshop)

i've ripped this shit up so many fucking times i'm about to shove that dildo of a size 19 circular needle into my eye and hope it comes out my ear so i can strangle myself with it!
looks simple right? chiggity check yo' self before you do it cause apparently you need to be a master knitter and just assume everything in order to pull that shit off. yeesh!
i did spruce up my forest of geraniums though. so if you want a plant come april, holla at your girl cause i'm gonna have more than i know what to do with-

all those glasses along the bottom shelf will be bloomin plants ready for pots soon, very soon.
managed to watch the self-destruction of the ultimate warrior last night. what a hoot! seriously, my bitches and I were HUUGE wwf fans back in our 11-year-old days in nodak. seeing all of this again brings back memories. sigh
i'll buck it up later though. i've got a copy of ratcatcher (one of the best movies of recent) and my new best friend:

Terenzi, Cesanese del Piglio. Almost better than sex...maybe not.
Managed to catch one of the biggest cheese-ball events on tv today, Fashion on Ice. the only redeeming thing about it was when some 'mo skated to billie jean in a bedazzled-to-fuck heatherette costume (ps richie rich is my dream-come-true hero. if only i could be so pretty all the fucking time! seriously, he must be made of angelic plastic. for real. and mr. cowboy, oh how i wish to the high heavens you weren't as gay as sin)
so it's been real. i guess i'm trying to start as much crap as i can before t.h. leaves for tour on the 2nd so i have something to keep busy with. all of the face-stuffing has probably been because of that too. i'll just have to fill my lonely nights with that cranberry infused vodka i've been eyeballing every time i go to surdyks, pilates, and this poor little scrap who has been neglected by mama this weekend

and my kitchen could use some tcb tlc
:
i'm off to visit the fawns-

like it was 1980...

i just can't help myself...i've been breaking my bacon over simon rex since i was like 12. (that colorful metaphor was for you t.h.)
the giant straw skating by the pile of coke is high-larious! wait for the alf cameos, radical radical radical! and yes i totes snaked this from missbehave because they're my heroes-

what?, no seriously, WHAT???

first, watch it--

ok, now when i was sweet-as-pie 15, last thing on my mind was having a baby. in fact, the last, LAST thing on my mind now-a-days is squeezing one out. not only that, but girlfriend claims to be having sex with three different dudes right now? she must just be a walking cesspool of herpa-gono-syphil-aids. nice, that means if one of those swimmers latches onto one of her bottom-of-the-gene-pool eggs and actually creates a tiny monster that she by some miracle manages to carry to term, that baby's gonna have an std before it even knows what hit him.
another thing, why is it that the people who should NOT be procreating their miserable genes, always seem to have seamless pregnancies. if there was a god, he would not allow that to happen. unless he has a really sordid sense of humor, and loathes what's become of earth and humans (which he should) and therefore is just fucking with us.
thanks a lot god.
ps i heart Missbehave Magazine!!!

this one's got a potty mouth

this guy doesn't really need an introduction, I.F.H. Mondays.

Is it sad when everyday of your life is like this, not just mondays?

deep breaths

so tomorrow starts my two-week detox. i'm trying not to think of all of the crap that i heart-to-death that i'll be giving up, and instead am looking at this on more of a metaphysical level: purging my body of years of toxins and things that will eventually cause my demise, and also getting that junk out of my head. i'm gonna detox the shit out of my procrastination, lethargy, and plain old laziness. haul out the yoga mats bitches, it's time to get olivia-newton-john-style physical. no more relying on my miraculous metabolism, it's time to break a sweat. on top of that, if you know me, you'll be shocked, but i'm giving up the booze too (except for organic red wine on weekends, that's basically mouthwash anyway). the smokes aren't taking a hike but a hiatus. by the end of the next two weeks expect to see a perkier, fitter me who has hopefully landed a new job (fingers, toes and butt cheeks crossed). but until then, you will probably find me on my throne...

wish me the buddha's luck- i've gotta finish "cleaning" out my fridge, aka-eating all of my temptation-junk-food and guzzling the rest of that svedka-

seriously, fashion is so f'd up!

so i was perusing one my favorite blogs today (fashionista) and came across this post:
http://fashionista.com/2008/01/post_755.php
doood! i hate to act like i'm so ahead of that shit, but seriously, i've been rocking satin blue nailpolish since mid fall when i saw it on philip lim's models' nails for his spring 08 runway show. and opi put the shit out a month before that. and suddenly chanel's color has a fucking wait list? who are these people? chanel nail polish costs 3x what opi does, and it dries the fuck out before you even get half way through a bottle. damn gina, i guess i'm gonna have to find a new color now-
maybe i'll just rock these from bijulesnyc.com

New Roommate

woke up around the breaka-breaka dawn to glass smashing somewhere in my apt. of course t.h. wasn't over, you're always desperately alone when weird shit goes bump in the night. so i put on my big-girl-brave face and started fumbling for glasses, lights, sharp objects to double as weapons... penny couldn't stand it anymore and went screaming into the darkness of the night. i brazenly followed and before i could hit the switch something buzzed by my face (still gives me the heebie jeebiez). it was a bat, a fat fuzzy, disease ridden flying mouse, and he had the measly tiny balls to go around busting my shit! well i bunkered down in my bedroom with my ferocious guard dog, as seen below:

didn't sleep much, kept having visions of norman (the bat) creeping under my door. woke up this morning and decided to face the music. this where i found him:

sound asleep on my living room curtain. didn't move at all while i was getting ready. wonder where he'll be tonight when i get home.
ps- t.h. this is a job for you- you will be greatly rewarded however-

resolutions are for suckas

i guess it's that time again to reflect on past mistakes and make your propositions for the upcoming year. most of last year sucked, to put it delicately. i've done enough reflection on that shit, that's who i am, introspective as hell. looking ahead isn't always the best either. i tend to throw myself in face first, get discouraged when it's not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am and buck out like a pussy before the damage gets too deep. so where does that leave me?
i guess i've let all of my goals go to shit and i'm pretty much back to square uno, in almost every aspect of my life. the most pressing of all of those blank spaces is work. it's staring me right in the eyeball, taunting me. something's gotta change, pronto tonto. the struggle won't be worse than the shit i dug through last year, so that's a bit of a relief, i guess the doubt is what's making me puss out. i'm making too big of a deal of all of it. i'm being too ideological. i guess that's who i am though: the introspective idealist.
so what do i do? do i go back to slinging shit to people i could give a fuck about and dealing with other people's bullshit on a regular basis while pursuing something that could land me on my ass, or do i put up with that same crap in my current situation? biggest problem, i think too highly of myself. i always think i'm better than that. guess it's not always a bad thing, but when it doesn't kick you in the ass, it makes you lethargic.
so raise your sloppy highball with me, here's to bigger and better things- as long as they don't land me up in jail or under the dirt- it's all a ball of twine-